Larry Brauner

Entrepreneurs creating social media sites and developers of exotic juice drinks clashed today at a major press conference.

The source of the conflict appears to be the number of letters in the English alphabet. Currently there are 26 according to a recent count by one of the big accounting firms who asked not to be named.

With only 26 letters in the English alphabet, new letter permutations for naming are becoming increasingly scarce.

Several solutions have been proposed:

  • Allow each name to be used twice, once by a social media site and once by a juice drink. This would allow a media site to be called Zrii and a drink to be named Xing.
  • Make all names fully case sensitive. Noni can be spelled noni, nOni, NOni, noNi, etc. Similarly Digg, DIgg, diGg, digG, etc.
  • Ignore conventions such as u after q. Qassia has already exploited this. Watch, one of the juice companies will probably retaliate before long.
  • Import letters from other languages such as Hebrew or Russian. Since most of the sites and drink names are already unpronounceable, this particular objection could not possibly stand in the way. Text processors would have to be updated. Bill Gates is said to be considering the implications with glee.
  • Precede all names with a prefix, sort of like an area code. You might see 1-212-Facebook. Not only would this ploy be cumbersome, the “new” AT&T could consider this a form of infringement.
  • Wait to see if the problem goes away. This remedy was suggested by officials high up in the Social Security Administration and praised by the president.

Yours truly, a notable problem solver and all around nice guy was asked his opinion. He said, and I quote, “Don’t worry so much. Today is April 1st. Go to sleep, and when you wake, you’ll realize that it was only a bad dream.”

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3 Responses to “Alphabet Wars”

  1. Susan on April 2nd, 2008 9:37 am

    Larry I enjoyed that. I have a drink in my fridge….difficult to pronounce but the juice is sure tasty… you say potato ,i say potata…lol :) have a great day and keep up the great work.

  2. CyberCelt on April 3rd, 2008 6:16 pm

    Well, I had to read it all the way through to GET IT. But I do.

    Happy April 1st.

  3. PlanetThoughts.org on May 19th, 2008 9:01 am

    Well, since bottled beverages are a major stress on the planet, we should be outlawing all bottled and canned beverages. Take out containers should be limited, food should be made solid and dry so it can be eaten without plastic implements and at home, eaten without dishes and silverware to wash.

    All this from a little article! See, don’t get me started… happy belated April 1st.

    But I am dead serious about the stupid disposable beverage bottles. I never touch ‘em - let the domain names rule.

    David

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